active listening for parents

In Scenario 2, the mother was not able to listen to her child’s negative feelings of being bored and not liking school; she took as a personal affront that the teacher was not providing enough stimulation for her very smart daughter. But accepting is not the same as agreeing. You may not like when they have certain negative or painful feelings. These responses can be represented by the world since you are giving your children  universal truths which tell them that other people often react in the same way as they have to a similar situation. P.E.T. I need to rest and then I can listen to you about what happened.”. Active Listening. As you read, please think about how the parent and the child are feeling and how the parent’s responses affect the relationship between them. Daughter: (Slinks away, dejected with shoulders and head hanging down, whimpering)   I hate school and I hate gym. Don’t force yourself. Need tips? You are aware of their verbal and nonverbal cues, you are giving them space to share their experience, and you are sitting with them in their feelings. By reassuring your children too quickly, you minimize the problem and stop the conversation. It lets your child know you are interested in what she has to say. He may be angry, he may cry,or he may regress by acting in less mature ways than he had before. Daughter: (sounding glum) I don’t want to go to school today. By hearing their distress, you are demonstrating that their view of the world has merit. I want to let her know what the other kids are doing. After you hear more clearly what is going on with your children, you can decide what you need to do next. Active listening promotes a strong relationship based on mutual respect and trust. Want to practice? Often when children have a disproportionately intense reaction, it means that the situation has triggered feelings around some underlying issue. Below are some feeling words you can add to your vocabulary: To become more accurate about feeling issues, you may use continuums to help you choose the word that correctly matches your children’s feelings with the degree of intensity they are expressing. Do they talk about others’ perspectives or just their own? I used to love going to his big, old house. Here’s what she did that helped her daughter deal with the situation: She tuned in to what the daughter was saying and feeling. Mother: (sugary) Oh, that’s awful. It’s boring. Active Listening: Techniques that Work for Children and Parents is a 3-hour online continuing education (CE) course that offers strategies for achieving more effective communication. A caution: While it is important to allow your children to vent and share their feelings, if recounting the story over and over seems to escalate their emotions – rather than help dissipate them – you need to stop the rant. Examples of statements meant to reassure: “It’s going to be all right soon, I’m sure.”, “Oh, you are such a big boy; you can handle a few extra hours of work. CDC is not responsible for Section 508 compliance (accessibility) on other federal or private website. Daughter: Well, I hate school and I don’t want to go. I’ve had a really long day and can’t give you my full attention right now. It can be tempting to brush off our children’s problems, especially if we have had a bad day or if we are busy. The first thing you need to do when a fight is about to start is get away.”. You want them to know that you understand how they feel. You have Physical Education today and you always love that. As a parent you have your own underlying issues which effect how you respond to a situation; you may also over-react because whatever is happening in the present is triggering some underlying issue for you of which you may not be aware. A non-verbal listening response involves little or no verbal activity, but you show attentiveness by nodding and making facial expressions in response to your children’s statements. It is not the time to object, teach, help your children to solve a problem, or ask a ton of questions. Our kids need to learn this – but with examples and not narration. Allow your child to draw his own conclusions.Be patient. The child felt that her mother wasn’t listening to her and would eventually learn not to turn to this mother for support. Often the quality of your day can feel tied to your children’s roller-coaster of emotions. Notice the word “think” – the tone for any Active Listening response is usually tentative, almost as if it ended with a question mark, as if you are checking with your children that you accurately picked up the feeling underlying the words. Active listening helps your parent to see that they have importance and value … And they do not necessarily enhance your relationship with your children in the same way that Active Listening can, encouraging closeness, respect and ultimately, independence. It is said that positive feelings cannot come through until negative feelings come out. Virtual reality exercises. Active Listening Exercise #1 When I was young I had a toy boat. Really listening to your children is the best way to create a caring relationship in which they see you as being “in their corner” and as a base to which they can always return when they need support. She is crying and tells you that her friend took her favorite toy and stuck out his tongue at her. Purchasing from Amazon.com through our website supports the work we do to help parents do the best job they can to raise their children. In doing so, you help to identify their feelings and give them words to use when they want to talk about their emotions. Daughter: No I don’t. In order to do this you must pay attention to the other person very carefully. It is better to be honest that you are too tired to give your child your full attention than to be distracted and have him misinterpret your response as a lack of caring. As a parent, you want your children to be happy, and the hardest thing to do is listen to their struggles – you want to do something. Today, you may learn that the parent of a schoolmate was just in a car accident and is in the hospital; your son is actually fearful that the same could happen to you, and so he doesn’t want you to leave. Daughter: (sounding glum) I don’t want to go to school today. Children are not born knowing how to describe what they feel and they don’t automatically know the words to use when they do become aware of their feelings. Practice your listening skills in realistic virtual … Linking to a non-federal website does not constitute an endorsement by CDC or any of its employees of the sponsors or the information and products presented on the website. Making your statement in the third person makes it seem more objective. For more information about actively listening, check out the following books. While their problems may seem small and easily rectified to you, they don’t seem so to your children. When you use a universal truth listening response with your children, you are offering a broad commentary about the situation that reflects their needs, feelings, or experience. An active listener parent exhibits balanced understanding of the problem and then reacts accordingly. About Active Listening. I didn’t think I’d ever find my way back to Grandma. It denies the importance of venting feelings, sorting them out, and processing. 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